Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My first STD was from a foam party
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
