Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
