Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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