please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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