Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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