Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
