dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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