things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
