haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
