I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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