I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
