Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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