the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
