Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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