I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
