Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
