Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
