I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
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im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
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And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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