proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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