Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
