she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
