I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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