Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
