This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
