I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
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We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
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Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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