so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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