Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
