I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
time to smoke my breakfast
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
