i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I supernannyed him into submission
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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