(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
