hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
