You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
