My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
foreskin is a definite game changer
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
