some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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