Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
