Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
