so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
