We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
