1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
