If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
