i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
