life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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