I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
