I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
