your parents love me but you hate me
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
