So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
