Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize