Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
This gyro tastes like lonliness
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
