i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
