I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
be right there i have to get my cape
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He shit in the fireplace
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
