belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
