My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
