I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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