I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
