I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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