I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
