nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
