Say something about gay babies.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
