somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
