Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
