A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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