I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
