Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
