Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Quick, to the slutcave!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
