just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
