im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
