Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
