My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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